I, I want to go, I want to run. Run to the places where I can be. I want to know what is the song sung that has something reminding me. I want to go, I got to run. Run to the moment you set me free. You tell me why I hear the song, song of my dream.

Perception is reality >>>WOOT


If I had a dollar for every child I have in my bedroom closet I would be one dollar richer....lol jay kay slash smile:-\

I can't remember the last time I did a real update where I like ran through my day ....that used 2 be fun kinda.....actually I didn't really like doing it becuase most of the time it would be the same as all the other days so I would have to pay close attention in order to keep all my entries from evolving into the same thing. I guess I could just fill up this bad boy with lyrics from songs describing how I'm feeling or what I have forgotten to feel or don't know how to feel but idk I know when half the time I don't take the time to read the lyrics. I could transfer over to myspace ...where supposedly thats where its at ...lol ewww this is like blog depression ...grosse fuck that

"How selfish of him to think he was worthy of her heart, but she can't be held responsible for something she didn't mean to start"

THe black ladies at work are awessomeeee as hell

And these 2 slightly lighter than dark people are 2 cute 2gether.....when they walk in in the mornings together, and their desks are right by each others, and they bang hardcore in the storage room.....or atleast that is what I suspect


Been 2 busy so I haven't been walking around the city as much as I would like to. Wow now that I work it seems that that is all my entries are about ...yeesh:(..........hmmmmm

Metra is out to get me....(nope nvm that doesnt work ...work related 2)

SHIT!..........one day I'm going to get my braces off I hope I don't look like a crack whore when I get them off...but I think thats how it works:(

I feel like I don't have as much control over my life as I use 2.........

  Sry for a pointless entry...its kinda confusing and all smashed together and running off into different directions..

"If we didn't have to fight for it then we wouldn't fucking deserve it!"

Currently Feeling Strangely Fine....

Got up, went to work today....was late so I had to run my tired caffinated ass to the train this morning.....got on that bad boy and for once I was awake when the train master came to see my ticket. The 2 previous days i was definitely sleeping and he like banged on my seat until i woke up in a vigorous and gittery uproar only drawing more attention to myself from nearby passengers...(sad face)...but not today woot.....Sitting in Union Station today a while before the train left kinda bummed and thinkin about some girl (lol as always but not really) anyways  I noticed this handi cap person in an automatic wheel chair sitting by himself. It seemed like he had mind disabilities too. He was driving around and kinda driving up behind people to see wat they were doing then he would move on to the next person. At first I was totally freaked out by this and being the nosey jack face that I am refused to pull my eyes away. After a while however all these other thoughts started hitting me in the face and I realized just how fucking lucky most americans are yet we seem to be the most bitchiest depressed people in the world. I realize that life is just an unending voyage in hopes of getting to this perfect position where everything is right. I say Fuck it!...never gonnna happen so why not instead of trying to find ways to get everything to be perfect learn to love everything how it is.....Lately its how I have been trying to look at things and I can Honestly Say it feels a lot better. We aren't standing in welfare lines, our homes aren't invaded by our nations military, we don't have to chose between our families and our morals, we don't have to skip meals and yet almost all of us can safely say that somewhere inside of us there is an emptyness or a hole that just can't be filled. Here is how u can fix that......Get a visual image of whatever is causing that hole in your mind ...make sure it's so clear you can almost see it infront of you and then fuckin tell it to suck it dry......

I'm not sayin everyone has to be tree holding earth lovers, or feel the need to go to unecesary extremes to produce a processed happyness (like the people at my church) or with an attitude like every second we live we need to devote to making the world a better place...becuase that is fuckin stupid......all I'm saying is don't be afraid to have a passion, or enthusiasm. Don't be afraid to smile at stupid shit......I just watched Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and I'll admit I smiled when willy hugged his dad....I'll admit I smiled when they made the space odessey 2001 reference (probly the only person in the theater that got it but i didn't care). Because being afraid only limits us....Basically the only thing keeping everyone from doing what they really want to do in America is fear..whether its from other people or the certain positions we are in..once we learn to overcome that we can do anything.

I saw a man today on the train who didn't know where to put his ticket. I watched him as he tried to put it in a hundread different spots in the window. He finally fit it into a little sliver of the lower window only to realize that it was supposed to go on the isle railings. ( if that isn't poetry in motion I don't know what is)

Now that I have fully ellaborated on only half the stuff I wanted to talk about in the homosexually sounding way imaginable (no offense to the gay community) I must go back to this jug of water placed so subtly atop of this desk.

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Ok...It kind of bothers me....thats what happens when you keep repeating to yourself that it doesn't

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( Had it, Lost it, Must go back and find it)------>The Entry that is

O yea and for the record My space and Live Journal can suck it dry becuase Xanga is where its at!!!! AIGHTTT!

JHENS CREDTED FOR....( The Below Entry)

and I quote ....


"This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and complaining about what jerks guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl's every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they're at her door, for the guys who accompany girls as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don't end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn't worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you'd ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn't have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the atmosphere was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we're just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you're nice like that.

The nice guys don't often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don't seem to get the girl as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can't. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative witches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he's too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he's not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn't possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can't figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I'm going to sleep with this complete jerk now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn't last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you're sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, and your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming."